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By Christa M. March
 In 1989 the ministry of Teen Mother Choices (TMC) began providing Lifeskills Workshops to the parenting teenage mothers it served. The purpose of the workshops is to build community, provide practical information, and link teenage mothers with community services. The method of the workshops wasn't simply to provide information in a classroom setting, but to facilitate interaction among the participants and the immediate practical application of new skills.
TMC offers much more than parenting classes. While it is important to provide teenage mothers with information useful for their roles as parents, there are at least four other life roles teenage mothers address on a daily basis that must also be covered.
Have you ever stopped to think about how many different roles you play in the course of one day? You could be a wife, a mother, a student, and an employee—four different roles played by one person. Teenage mothers also play a number of different roles. You approach all of your roles from a single and appropriate level of maturity. In contrast, a teenage mother must play her particular roles with nearly every role requiring her to act at a different level of maturity. Some of those levels of maturity are inconsistent with her age. She needs our help. So in order to provide a comprehensive Lifeskills Curriculum, we must address the five major roles of a teenage mother.
Before we begin looking at the five major life roles, we need to understand that teenage mothers are not typical in any role they play. They are not what we would consider average teenagers, nor are they ordinary mothers. They are not conventional high school students or common employees. This brings up one of the biggest questions in assisting teenage mothers: How do we relate to them?
It is important that we approach the "teen" in this teenage mother on her level and at her pace. We should try to remember what life was like for us at her age. Teenage mothers are feeling and experiencing the same things many of us did at their age, only at a more intense level. Teenage mothers are teenagers who happen to be mothers, not mothers who just happen to be teenagers. Do we focus our attention on their being teenagers or on their being mothers? Do we concentrate on their finishing high school or focus our attention on assisting them in becoming gainfully employed? A successful Lifeskills Curriculum must address each of the five major roles a teenage mother must play.
Let's look at each life role.
The teenager
Teenage mothers think and act like teenagers. Just like any other teenager, they can be self-centered and may find it difficult to plan for the future. So some of the topics addressed in our Lifeskills Workshops deal with the joys and frustrations of being a teenager. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, getting along with parents, and what to do after high school are just a few topics that would provide valuable information to any teenager.
If teenager topics are not discussed and this role of the teenage mother is ignored, teen mothers may conclude that in order to relate to us, they must act more grown up than they are. While that may sound good at first, there is a down side to acting too mature too quickly. When a teenage mother is not given the opportunity to address issues that deal with her age, she will push being a teenager to the side for a while. However, she may revert back to teenage behaviors or situations later in life, often to the detriment of her now older child.
The mother
Our society views motherhood as something special. We believe mothers should provide security and stability for their children. A mother must sacrifice many of her own wants and desires for the benefit of her child. But most teens have not reached this level of maturity. Lifeskills Workshops may be the very thing she needs to provide her with the information that will help her become the stable, mature mother her child requires.
Teenage mothers may want to be good mothers but lack parenting skills. Therefore, a Lifeskills Workshop should provide information on nutrition, child discipline, and other topics that will help teenage mothers rear and provide for their children.
The student
Often, teenage mothers are still in high school. Finishing high school is a critical step toward independence for the teen mom. A Lifeskills Curriculum should explain and encourage good study skills and time management.
The employee
Addressing the employee role for the teenage mother may be difficult for many of us. Many believe that it would be best if the mothers did not work and instead spent the majority of their time with their children. While this may be the ideal situation, the fact remains that many teenage mothers must work in order to provide for their children. In order to help those mothers who will need to work, the Lifeskills Workshop can cover such topics as: how to find quality childcare, how to dress for a job interview, how to interview for a job, and how to become a reliable and valued employee.
The seeker
Finally, most teenage mothers are either unsaved or have wandered away from Christ. That they have come to your center indicates that they are seeking solutions to their problems. The primary problem for these teen moms is spiritual, even though they may not realize it at first. The teenage mother's logistical needs may be genuine, but dealing with those logistical needs alone will not solve the primary problem. The Lifeskills Curriculum needs to include the Gospel message. The teenage mother must be reconciled to Christ before she can experience the healing that comes from forgiveness and find the new purpose and direction she needs. She may choose to respond to the explanation of her need for Christ, or she may disregard it. Nevertheless, God's Word is powerful, and she may respond to the Gospel message years later.
All roles played by a teenage mother must be addressed in order for the Lifeskills Curriculum to be balanced and effective, empowering her to become the whole person that God created her to be.
| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Christa March is the Executive Director of Teen Mother Choices, Inc. She can be reached at 847-599-8135 or TMChoices@aol.com. |
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